mom humor, Mom's Guide to Not Giving a Fip, Mom Blog, Messy House

Step-by-Step Guide to Not Giving a Flip

A Tired Mom’s Step-by-Step Guide to Not Giving a Flip

mom humor, Mom's Guide to Not Giving a Fip, Mom Blog, Messy House

Do you need to relax? Do you need to learn to loosen up a bit and stop giving a flip what others think? Well, here’s the guide for you!

Amateur Mom tip:

Housework sucks and needs to be done constantly. Time to de-stress moms. Follow along closely to reach a new zen.

Step 1 to Not Giving a Flip

Look around the house. Notice dishes piled a mile high with a strange aroma wafting toward you. Observe the mess of random stuff thrown carelessly about by your wonderful family. Proceed with caution not to stub a toe. Consider picking it up, but then just realize that it is futile and the illusion of cleanliness will be shorter than that snapchat you accidentally shared.

Make it to the couch finally after countless attempts are interrupted by the small, needy-yet-I -can-do-everything-by-myself child. Don’t worry, your resolve to make it to the sedentary destination will not be hampered by the incessant screaming. Reach the couch only to realize that it is barricaded with a butt-load of unfolded clothes. Temporarily contemplate folding and putting away said clothes, but realize that you don’t want to. Perilously climb the toppling tower of attire until you can wedge yourself into a comfortable position. Turn on the TV and proceed to not give a flip.

Amateur Mom Tip:

Cleanliness is over-rated. Whoever came up with the quote “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” clearly didn’t have children. Or a husband. Or pets. Just a live-in house-keeper.

mom humor, mom guide, messy house, cleanliness, reality

Step 2 to Not Giving a Flip

Remember when showers and baths used to be fun? Realize that showers are short-lived and usually accompanied by a small visitor who could not remain away the duration of the Daniel Tiger intro song. Get out and give up. Shaving and hair-washing aren’t that necessary, right?

After a long, one-of-those days, call in support while you take a bubble bath. Remember, these used to have a wine and a book and felt glorious. Now, spend 30 minutes cleaning the bath that your toddler used recently and may or may not have pooped in. The verdict is still out. Clean another 20 minutes and try to scrub the thought from your mind. Start the tub. Add the bubbles. Bang, Bang at the door. Don’t worry, your husband has this. Put your feet in. Bang, screaming, crash. Get out, tend to the child. Search for the husband that is taking a leisurely restroom break. If you have read my post: Crazy, Frantic Mama, you know that is a bad idea in our household. Forget the bath. Forget the glass. Take the bottle and guzzle away because who gives a flip?

Next week, forget the shower and use baby wipes instead as needed.

Amateur Mom Tip:

Set good intentions for your life. Set goals for who you want to be as a person. Remember you have children. Try to make it with all limbs intact.

Step 3 for Not Giving a Flip

Read all the research about child rearing. Discuss all the right things to do with your significant other. Forget everything you read in the moment. Use the phrase “because I said so” even though you swore you would never say that to your kids. Because kids. Toss the books and research in favor of a larger wine and coffee budget.

Try to feed your family organic food. Wait? It is how much more? Grocery bills shouldn’t be mortgage payments, but maybe that’s just me. Wash fruit and veggies in the sink for at least 5 seconds, because you care. Hey, at least you at giving them something nutritious to go with the mac and cheese and pouches they insist on eating all day, everyday.

Restrict screen-time like any decent parent would do. Come to the conclusion that sanity is more important than arbitrary rules you have set in place. The children are safer with a mommy that is not on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Eat your lunch in private because you don’t want to share.

 

Step 4 for Not Giving a Flip

When your husband gets home from a tough day work, greet him with a smile, positive demeanor and a home cooked meal. That, or just hand off the children and lock yourself in the bedroom for at least twenty minutes. Whatever works best for you.

Amateur Mom Tip

Stash snacks, books and tablets in your room so they are available for your inevitable retreat. Wave the white flag. This mama is done.

mom humor, Mom's Guide to Not Giving a Fip, Mom Blog, Messy House

Who gives a flip if you are the perfect mom? Do you love your kid(s)? Is their safety and wellbeing at the top of your mind? Of course it is. And it is okay to unwind and let some things go to hell in a handbag. Hopefully, this guide has helped you feel more carefree and relaxed.

Namaste bitches.

 

So, what are the ways you don’t give a flip?

*This site contains affiliate links so I may make a few cents on the dollar. Woohoo! Raking in the pennies!*

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15 Comments on "Step-by-Step Guide to Not Giving a Flip"

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Becca
Guest

I too have climbed laundry mountain. The journey alone deserves a glass of wine. I’m currently not giving a flip by typing away at my computer literally surrounded by recycling that needs to go outside. Bumping my elbows into it even. Maybe the kids will use the boxes as toys and it will all work out. God speed. 🙂

Bailie
Guest

This is awesome! And had some great tips! I personally don’t have kids, but I know a few parents I will be sharing this with! Thanks!

Sam
Guest

Great attitude! Have you heard of the happy triangle? Happy kids, clean house, happy mum. You can only have two at any one time!

Shauna
Guest

I feel like so many moms can relate to this post because they have gone through these moments on a day to day basis. I love the sarcasm in your writing as well, it allowed for your readers to connect with the tips and your experiences on a deeper level. Great post!

Sharon Chanyau
Guest

I love this article. I just love this article, Damn you nailed it. Being a mom of 3 boys i can related and vote Yes for this one any day anytime

Amanda
Guest

#becausekids This is the best. Some days I’m embarrassed by the mess, other days I’m like “Meh”. 😄😩😑

Rachael McKinley
Guest

Make sure you start out perfectly with your first child so you can realize how unimportant it all is by the time you have more children.

Nicole
Guest

I wish I could have you by my side everyday to remind me not to give a flip!! 🙂

Melissa
Guest

This is hilarious! Thank you, I am grateful that I am not the only momma who doesn’t give a flip about the laundry or dishes piling up and I do keep a stash of snacks just for me in my room!

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