Number Two

Dog, Poop, Nature, Animal, Doggo, Sign, Canine, Dirty

Warning: this post may be inapoopriate for some. It may even be unpoopular. The only thing worse than waxing poetic about defecation, is all the puns discharged in this post.

I always thought the phrase “The writing is on the wall” had a deeper purpose and meaning. No today, it was quite literal and with poo. The literal $h&7 hit the fan. Code brown. We have a pootastrophe. The droppings are all around us. Calling all disinfectants on deck. Stay behind “Good for the Earth” stuff. You are no match for this malodor. 

Life is excramentally harder with a toddler. It is infecesable to imagine life before kids. Now, you have to act very manure. Sure, you have similar conversations of the 4 Cs when ring shopping: clarity, quality, color and carat. You have now transitioned into the poop 4cs: quantity, consistency, color, and wait, is that a carrot?

Number two: Date night is fraught with concern over your child’s daily bowel movements. Your attention to them in inboweluntary. 

Oh, a there will be a floater in your future, and like any good parent, you will grab it by your bare hand to remove from proximity of your poop-factory angel. Is it safe to bleach bare hands?

If you have had children for more than two seconds, you have called the doctor or nurse about this fecal matter. You sit on your stool and worry about all the horrible things that could possible go wrong. You don’t want to waste money on unnecessary visits, but you monetary expulsion is no matter when your child has a weird BM.

Is all this crap worth it? 

Without a doubt.

For those dealing with 💩, dung or old, I salute you. Your attitootude prevails over all the s*itutions that come at you on a daily basis. Stay strong like a good poo pourri.

Someday, if you get to be old and gray, the poop being cleaned maybe your own. Until then, soldier on against stench and the gagging sensation. Fertilize your little angels with love and affection. May the odor be ever in your favor.

 


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16 Comments on "Number Two"

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Holly
Guest

Lol! This is so funny. I just had to clean my toddler’s poop off the lid of our toilet on Tuesday of this week. How did it even get there?! Moms sure do deal with a lot of sh**, don’t we?

Janet Earling-Bencivenni
Guest

Oh my! This is hilarious…really, !it brings back many memories And I love the Shih-tzu sign ( I have those little varmints)

sirena Alise
Guest

haha! I have a little human in the oven now and I can totally see myself instinctually grabbing poop out of the tub to keep my baby safe! This is going to be fun!

Dipti
Guest

haha..funny & hilarious. Facing the reality grows one up:)

Deb
Guest

Hilarious!

Whimsy
Guest

Wow, I love this post, quite the humorous read!

Mary Ann Taylor
Guest

Our babies are grown now. We felt with all theses issues and more! But with three dogs, two seniors and a 50lb 5 month old puppy we find our selves knee deep in said excrement once again. I find myself identifying each dog by their “pile”. And the eldest, who is also deaf, finds it easier to just “go” wherever she is! We rejoice when she actually goes outside!! I find it pitiful that in my retirement I’m once again poopified!!

Maureen
Guest

Thank you so much for cheering me up at the end of a hard week! I laughed so much that my sides hurt!

Social Yahjam
Guest

This is a little bit too poopy for me!

Tara
Guest

Nurses never shy at the sight of poo. Often I have to remind myself other people don’t like talking about those kinds of things while eating or during regular conversation:-)

R.M.
Guest

“May the odor be ever in your favor….. ” Bahahaha this sums up motherhood AND references one of my fave book series!!!! I can’t remember the last time I laughed this hard!!!! 🙂

Tania
Guest

LOL!!! This was pooptastic!!! Incredible how the conversation changes from diamonds to defecation. This is a reality of parenthood! Thanks for sharing this!!

Jyo
Guest

Lol!! Life is excrementally harder with children! Thanks for the hilarious post!!

Navi
Guest

This was really, really clever and funny. I don’t have a little one of my own, but I do have a new nephew and will def be passing on this article! And I have a new puppy… wonder if these poop-principles can apply to my little guy (lol).
Thanks!

-Navi (www.denthusiast.com)

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