Life with a toddler: 6 Reasons why my house has never been cleaner
- You get to play “what is this?” game.
Seriously, what is this on the floor?
What is this on the couch? The broom, steam mop and vacuum come out of hiding. Make sure to clean unknown foreign crap off of every surface in your home, and it is only Monday. I am sure we will meet again tomorrow for another titillating game of “name that $&@”!”
- Toddler gear is basically decor at this point.
You no longer look at toys and toddler stuff everywhere as a problem. Just move all the adult books and trinkets off the shelves to make way for cars, Legos, and an assortment of marvels meant to temporarily distract your turbulent two-year old.
- You have a helper.
My son has been so, umm, helpful. “I big helper Mommy”. He helps me unload dirty dishes into the drawers. Note: the glasses were an easy fix, the dirty and clean silverware meant that everything now gets a thorough cleaning.
Spit up, poop, puke and more! How many shirts and pants can a single child go through in one day? Ugh. I have to change my clothes now too. Thanks for the culinary artistic expression on my pants. My shirt too?! Sigh.
5. Bonus round of what is this $&”@ outside?
Extra points if it brought inside. Double extra points if it is some kind of poop. Human or animal, you are not surprised. Calmly, get a bag, clean it up and proceed to disinfect the small germ-producing offspring with the heartiest organic soap available. Only the most expensive cleanser for your little germ factory.
6. Realize that your child has licked every surface of the house and has the plague; aka the forever poops.
Proceed to again disinfect with oils and organic stuff. Sneak out the Lysol wipes, but don’t tell anyone because those are not crunchy and might as well cause cancer. Use them anyway, because you keep catching said plague and think you are going to die.
Like I said, my house was never cleaner.
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